The Orgasm That Almost Was, Or: Puppies Suck

Sorry.  I got distracted.  By my vagina.

That’s a text that I recently sent to the boyfriend.  He said he completely understood, it happens to him all the time.  I’m flattered that my vagina has such an effect on him.

I was, indeed, distracted by my vagina earlier this evening.  I had the house to myself, kind of a rarity since my sister moved in ‘for a couple of weeks’ about a month and a half ago.  I had been wanting to get reacquainted with <a href=”http://www.edenfantasys.com/vibrators/rabbit-vibrators/thumbelina” target=”_blank”>this guy </a>for a while, so I decided to set the mood by putting on some soft music and lighting some candles.  Of course, by ‘putting on some soft music’ I mean digging my <a href=”http://www.edenfantasys.com/sex-toy-reviews/sex-furniture/a-gushing-review” target=”_blank”>purple sex blanket of awesomeness</a> out of the basket full of clean clothes that I’ll never fold, and by ‘lighting some candles’, I mean tossing said sex blanket onto the bed.

So, I got naked and hopped up onto the bed with Thumbelina.  She’s a dual action vibrator and she is pretty badass in theory.  She’s made of purple elastomer and has two bullets, one in head of the shaft and one in the little bumblebee clit stimulator.  The bumblebee vibrates and the little stinger is<em> insane</em>.  The shaft actually rotates and provides entirely decent G-spot stimulation.  The shaft and the bumblebee have separate controls, so you can vary the speed of both or turn only one on.  I take advantage of this option out of necessity quite frequently.  More on that shortly.

So, I got all comfy and relaxed.  I was perfectly surrounded by the 87 pillows that I sleep with.  I was nice and wet and working my way up to a nice blended orgasm.  I had been using the clit stimulator on the lowest vibration (which is pretty fucking intense when the batteries are fresh) and the shaft on the fastest rotation and highest vibration.  The bad news for my little Thumbelina is that by vagina wants to destroy it.  When I get close to climax, my PC and pelvic floor muscles try their damnedest to kill this cute little vibe.

So, I just turned the shaft rotation and vibration off and manually thrusted, which works just fine and won’t burn up the motor.  Once, again…I’m heading for the big O, albeit a little slower.  The more work I have to do to get off with this particular toy, the harder it is to keep the little bumblebee stinger close enough to my clit to do it’s job.

I was still doing just fine, getting close to finishing<em> hard</em>, when I happened to look up and see a curious little puppy face staring at me from between my legs.  Talk about killing the mood.  I immediately started cracking up, and all attempts to come became futile.

See, I have two dogs.  They could generally give a fuck when I’m getting myself off.  Even when the boyfriend and I are having an especially rowdy roll in the hay, they’ll leave us alone for the most part.

One of them has some sort of loud sex related anxiety that causes him to <em>fucking destroy</em> his dog bed, but he doesn’t get all up in our business for the big finish.  I think they are mostly desensitized (with the dog bed-eating exception) to any of the buzzing and moaning and what have you.

But my sister, who is one month past her two week welcome, has a puppy.  A skinny, psychotic puppy who in no way should be able to leap onto my tall-ass bed, but manages to defy physics and do it anyway just in time to ruin what would have been a fucking fabulous orgasm.

So I cleaned up, got dressed, put my toys away (because crazy pup really looked like she wanted to eat them) and watched three dogs run around my back yard for an hour.  And I’m still horny.</blockquote>